We just returned from Disney World and had the most wonderful time! Our vacation was all we hoped it would be - and then some. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the parks and our resort, and I was awestruck by the details that Disney incorporates in EVERYTHING! From the landscaped gardens to the architecture of the buildings, the details were incredible. I continually commented throughout our stay, "It is just so beautiful." This trip is deserving of its own blog entry, however, so check back soon because today I am feeling pressed to share something else with you.
I am so thankful that my husband is my best friend. After 14 years of marriage we have shared so many wonderful times together - along with some not so wonderful times. While our marriage is far from perfect, I am so thankful that by God's grace we share a love that runs deeper than I ever dreamed I could love another person. I love my man with my entire heart and fall more deeply in love with him as days pass. We know what makes each other tick, how we think, and each other's areas of strengths and weaknesses. We can often predict what each other is thinking before it is articulated, and even tease each other in saying, "I know you better than
you know you!" I trust that he always has my best interest in mind, (unless there is an issue with the last piece of dessert or any other of his favorite foods, that is. In that case, all bets are off!) and I value his opinions and perspectives.
Last night I asked him a question that was very difficult for me to ask. This was the kind of question that has the potential to ignite an argument or cause hurt feelings... And I speak from experience, as these reactions have occurred in the past when this question was asked! Not last night, though. I felt led to ask and had a heart receptive to hear his answer. I took in a deep breath and asked him, "What are some things in my life that I need to work on as a wife, mom, and just as a person? What do you see?" "Oh boy..." were the first two words he answered as he recognized the weight of this loaded gun question! He answered me honestly and poignantly - gentle and sincere. He spoke the truth in love, and it hurt because I knew that he was hitting one nail on the head after another as the Holy Spirit's conviction fell.
While I recognize that Joe does not know me better than myself, I do recognize that God does know me better than I know myself! As we are told in Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it?" I'm great at rationalizing my sin. I can make my sin seem justifiable, and can excuse it away quickly and easily at times. After my conversation with Joe I knew I had to do business with the One that knows my heart and the motives that lurk behind my thoughts and actions. As wonderful and wise as Joe is, we could have continued that conversation until we were both blue in the face and still have no lasting change in my heart. Only God can forgive, redeem, restore, and minister to me in the innermost place of my heart. I practically dragged myself to my Bible this morning because I knew it wasn't going to be an especially uplifting devotional time. I even saw myself putting off going to my Bible and journal as I wiped down the kitchen counter an extra couple times. Let's face it, looking at our sin is not pretty. Or fun. Finally I sat and opened my Bible and heart simultaneously.
It was painful to write down my sins individually as I identified them and confessed my stuff. Brought me to tears. Literally. I walked through Psalm 51 as I cried out to our God. I am thankful for God's grace that not only allowed me to name my sins, but also for the grace He extended that prompted me to ask for forgiveness with a desire to repent from my sins. It was painful, but worth every tear and every second. You know I feel so much better now. Let me clarify here that we do not know we are forgiven because we
feel better, we know we are forgiven based on the authoritative promises of Scripture. (See 1 Jn 1:9) But there is a lighter load that is felt in the freedom that comes when the barrier of sin is knocked down. Looking at our sin is not fun - but it is freeing. And when sweet forgiveness comes it is more uplifting than you and I can imagine. We long to cover our sin, rationalize it, and deny it while God desires to forgive, redeem, and renew.
My pastor is preaching his way through a dynamic sermon series entitled, "Hi, my name is Rick and I'm a selfaholic." (His first name is Rick, btw.) Apart from the Holy Spirit's enablement, you and I are doomed for a life of self-a-holism. Self-centeredness, selfishness, and self-absorption comes easily to us, as it goes along the grain of our sinful nature. You and I need the Holy Spirit in order to successfully forsake our flesh and walk in step with the Spirit. We must be mindful that when the Holy Spirit convicts His children it is never to condemn but to conform both for our good and His glory. Oh that I would be an easy child for Him to discipline! I actually pray for this, as I want to learn things the easiest way possible! How many of you know that when our God wants to get His point across, He's gonna get it across, and the process of chastisement is not something I want to experience because I have a rebellious heart!
I don't know how or if this resonates with you today... I almost deleted it as I wondered myself what my point is! But then again, if I am feeling compelled to share this, how on earth could I disobey in not posting a blog that has to do with obeying!? Have a wonderful day, and I look forward to our next blog where I'll share some of our Disney pics!
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Ps. 139:23-24).